I can't believe that it's been three months since I've posted here. Many things have changed since then. Master has moved much closer to me, so we can at least see each other live and in person every other weekend. For now that works fine. I've been so long on my own, that it was almost suffocating to think all of a sudden another body would be moving in. Let alone with the D/s dynamic at play as well.
I have to say though, I love each and every minute we spend together. The look on his face when I put a delicious home cooked meal in front of him, or even the way he interacts with the urchins. He and the youngest (a boy) have already developed a bond between them. The men of the house. All in all, we're all making the adjustment to every other weekend nicely.
It also affords us the opportunity to explore more freely. Because we're secure in our visit schedule, it leaves us enough time to relax and enjoy our time, not try to fit so much in because we're not sure when the next opportunity will arise.
Our play is deepening. He knows what I need and want even before I can say it. We are both experiencing new heights together even at our tender young age *grins*.
I am simply amazed that the man who pushes me beyond my comfort zone (willingly of course), he uses me extensively and hard when we're able, and yet, when we're done he is go gentle and loving.
I never thought I would finally be able to be the whore I longed to be, and then treated as a lady. I'm not sure why some men don't get that women can and often long to be both.
It's Wednesday, and Master is due here Friday night late and we're both needing a hard weekend. I can't wait to see how he pushes my limits this weekend *grins*
latah
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Submissive musings
I've attended quite a few chats/ discussions, read blog upon blog from submissives and Dominants alike. I have a thirst for knowledge. Once I sink my teeth into something, I need to know all I can. In this case, maybe it's the wanna be psychologist in me, but I love reading about the dynamics that interest me, not the sexual aspects of each and every relationship. Although, I'll be the first to admit, I love the voyeuristic view at times.
What I'm so very surprised at, is the number of submissive women, (I don't see this too much from male submissive writing) that lament about finding a Dominant who appreciate their strength, wit, humor, style, etc. The list could go on and on. The thing that puzzles me, is why we as women, and submissives alike, would even consider being anything other than ourselves?
If we searched for a vanilla relationship, we would (or hopefully not) never consider a long term relationship with someone who chastised or berated our very existence, who we are. In vanilla terms that would be somewhat abusive. So why do we tolerate it from a Dominant?
The question maybe simple, but the answer is as complex as each individual who things of an answer. Here's one view, just mine, no one elses, not even Master's.
There seems to be this misconception out there, and it's prevalent in the chat rooms, that as a submissive, you must automatically cater to the wishes of a Dominant, any Dominant. Do this and you will be seen as a "good" submissive. I know there are some chatrooms that have oodles of protocol before you can even enter a room ie, asking permission, addressing Dominants etc. That's nice, it really is. However, I mean no disrespect, but you are not my Sir or Master, or Mistress. In addition, if I've never met you, you haven't proved to me that you are deserving of that title.
I'm submissive by nature, but I can throw a Mistress before panther and believe me, people would never know. I can be a Top when I need to be, I am in almost every aspect of my life. I've needed to be, and that's fine. Don't expect just because I am submissive that you are any better or deserve a title before you earn it in my eyes.
As such, it is people with these unreal expectations that have this blind vision of what a submissive is, in my eyes. I've seen it in chatrooms. They expect this victorian era woman sitting quietly, whispering when she speaks, agreeing with whatever opinion is floating around the room at that particular moment, even if resonates against every fiber of her being.
What a shame of the breaking of human spirit. Why on earth would a Dominant want anything but a submissive who as Master says, "Has a mind and is not afraid to use it." Part of a D/s relationship is a power exchange, not a brain nullification. How boring to not have an opinion. or be able to express yourself. I know, I know... I'm not talking about being obnoxious, or rude. I let Master handle that if needed. I'm talking about sharing in a learning discussion, and not parroting everything a Dominant says. I'm talking about asking questions, getting to an answer that really answers.
I've been in discussions where an experienced Dominant basically said everything that's done in the D/s BDSM lifestlye today is wrong. The way it was done in the old days is what works, none of this watered down crap. (Her words not mine). I challenged that. How is it watered down? Because society has changed? Because of the advent of the internet. Because there's so much information out there good and bad for people to learn from? It would appear to her, that the values are not held to the same standard as they were 35 plus years ago. To that I would beg to differ, and I did. Master was there he saw the entire exchange. I was not rude, but I did question the why? Because she was there and she said so, that's why, is what it came down to. Basically it was a closed network back then, now it's more of an open network and for the dinosaurs they realize they are a dying breed, and are fighting to keep their heads above water.
However, in the next breath, whatever works for the individual couple is what I heard. Wait, which is it? Strict by the book, or whatever works? Can't have it both ways. In this day and age of two income earners, blended families, bi coastal families, it isn't as easy as 1, 2, 3 any more. Life is more complex, and will continue to get more complex.
I've heard it said, that D/s is the only thing that matters, there is no vanilla. Your sub sleeps in another room every night. OK, that's fine.... for you. In MY 24/7 relationship, I WANT to sleep next to Master every night, as He does with me. See my point?
Just writing this very blog, and every blog I write in the various places I write them. I am allowed freedom of speech. For the most part because Master knows how important it is to me to both write, but express my opinions. For him to silence that part of me, would be an abuse, not a punishment. It would be tatamount to cutting off my arm. Master knows it's importance, however, he also has said my opinions are valid and he encourages me to put them out there. From this I flourish and grow. How, because he reads each and every blog and comments privately and sometimes publicly. He takes the time to validate that I have something to say. I grow because I'm learning from expressing said opinions. Placing value on what's important to me, and to Master and I as a couple.
Could or is this all different for slaves? I would imagine so, unless your Master has given permission for such expression. I have been talking strictly about submissives here in this ramble. And the opinions expressed here are only mine.
have a great day...
panther.
What I'm so very surprised at, is the number of submissive women, (I don't see this too much from male submissive writing) that lament about finding a Dominant who appreciate their strength, wit, humor, style, etc. The list could go on and on. The thing that puzzles me, is why we as women, and submissives alike, would even consider being anything other than ourselves?
If we searched for a vanilla relationship, we would (or hopefully not) never consider a long term relationship with someone who chastised or berated our very existence, who we are. In vanilla terms that would be somewhat abusive. So why do we tolerate it from a Dominant?
The question maybe simple, but the answer is as complex as each individual who things of an answer. Here's one view, just mine, no one elses, not even Master's.
There seems to be this misconception out there, and it's prevalent in the chat rooms, that as a submissive, you must automatically cater to the wishes of a Dominant, any Dominant. Do this and you will be seen as a "good" submissive. I know there are some chatrooms that have oodles of protocol before you can even enter a room ie, asking permission, addressing Dominants etc. That's nice, it really is. However, I mean no disrespect, but you are not my Sir or Master, or Mistress. In addition, if I've never met you, you haven't proved to me that you are deserving of that title.
I'm submissive by nature, but I can throw a Mistress before panther and believe me, people would never know. I can be a Top when I need to be, I am in almost every aspect of my life. I've needed to be, and that's fine. Don't expect just because I am submissive that you are any better or deserve a title before you earn it in my eyes.
As such, it is people with these unreal expectations that have this blind vision of what a submissive is, in my eyes. I've seen it in chatrooms. They expect this victorian era woman sitting quietly, whispering when she speaks, agreeing with whatever opinion is floating around the room at that particular moment, even if resonates against every fiber of her being.
What a shame of the breaking of human spirit. Why on earth would a Dominant want anything but a submissive who as Master says, "Has a mind and is not afraid to use it." Part of a D/s relationship is a power exchange, not a brain nullification. How boring to not have an opinion. or be able to express yourself. I know, I know... I'm not talking about being obnoxious, or rude. I let Master handle that if needed. I'm talking about sharing in a learning discussion, and not parroting everything a Dominant says. I'm talking about asking questions, getting to an answer that really answers.
I've been in discussions where an experienced Dominant basically said everything that's done in the D/s BDSM lifestlye today is wrong. The way it was done in the old days is what works, none of this watered down crap. (Her words not mine). I challenged that. How is it watered down? Because society has changed? Because of the advent of the internet. Because there's so much information out there good and bad for people to learn from? It would appear to her, that the values are not held to the same standard as they were 35 plus years ago. To that I would beg to differ, and I did. Master was there he saw the entire exchange. I was not rude, but I did question the why? Because she was there and she said so, that's why, is what it came down to. Basically it was a closed network back then, now it's more of an open network and for the dinosaurs they realize they are a dying breed, and are fighting to keep their heads above water.
However, in the next breath, whatever works for the individual couple is what I heard. Wait, which is it? Strict by the book, or whatever works? Can't have it both ways. In this day and age of two income earners, blended families, bi coastal families, it isn't as easy as 1, 2, 3 any more. Life is more complex, and will continue to get more complex.
I've heard it said, that D/s is the only thing that matters, there is no vanilla. Your sub sleeps in another room every night. OK, that's fine.... for you. In MY 24/7 relationship, I WANT to sleep next to Master every night, as He does with me. See my point?
Just writing this very blog, and every blog I write in the various places I write them. I am allowed freedom of speech. For the most part because Master knows how important it is to me to both write, but express my opinions. For him to silence that part of me, would be an abuse, not a punishment. It would be tatamount to cutting off my arm. Master knows it's importance, however, he also has said my opinions are valid and he encourages me to put them out there. From this I flourish and grow. How, because he reads each and every blog and comments privately and sometimes publicly. He takes the time to validate that I have something to say. I grow because I'm learning from expressing said opinions. Placing value on what's important to me, and to Master and I as a couple.
Could or is this all different for slaves? I would imagine so, unless your Master has given permission for such expression. I have been talking strictly about submissives here in this ramble. And the opinions expressed here are only mine.
have a great day...
panther.
Friday, March 21, 2008
What makes a good D/s relationship?
I've listened to many a conversation recently about the lifestyle, and what makes a good sub/slave and more recently, what makes a Dom/me as such. I don't think there's a real clear definition. One that fits to satisfy everyone.
I listened to some definitions the other night in a chat, and one of the Domme's description on what makes her a Dominant, could have fit me. However, I am clearly NOT a Domme, nor do I want to be. I am in every other aspect of my life, I do not want to dominate in my personal relationship. So is that what makes the distinction?
I also heard someone who said, that he offers himself to teach mentor, never portray himself to be anything other than what he is. Well I do that as well. I've had many sisters come to me since I've "come out" and ask for advise. I'm honored that they feel they can come to me, I only have my personal opinion nothing else.
So what does make a good 24/7 relationship? Is it only the D/s that makes it solid, or is there more? What about general compatibility? Likes and dislikes outside the fetish checklist. OR, is the fetish checklist enough to get started, and then see where the compatibility lies? Is general compatibility even important?
For example, the Dominant likes the outdoors, so does this mean the submissive will learn to like the outdoors simply because the Dominant does, or should there be some middle ground before the relationship goes further? How much do we look for in a potential partner in the lifestyle outside fetish? Is fetish only for BDSM play? It's easy to hand over control in a sexual situation, but what about outside the bedroom. What about something as easy as what's for dinner? What about what time you take a shower? What shows if any will be watched? I'm not talking about a Master/slave relationship here, or should I be. Can you be 24/7 without being a slave?
How does one determine how much control you will hand over in a 24/7 relationship. And how do you determine when you give over that control. How easy/difficult is it to maintain protocol in every day life. I mean it's one thing when you are actually in a scene, but what about when the dishwasher overflows, supper is late because work wouldn't let you go, or traffic was horrendous. How realistic is it for Sir or Master to really place the blame on your shoulders? I've read many an account where a sub ends up in a frenzy because such a situation is out of her control, but fears the reprocussions. I certainly don't want to live life like that. To me that's basically equal to an abusive relationship. How do I know, because I've lived in one. Any time there's fear, one should evaluate the situation. Really take a hard look.
How would the situation be handled in a non D/s relationship. Would there be aggrivation, frustration- sure. If there is fear- run. Especially in a D/s relationship. This is a person who you place your trust in. To me, of course this is my own opinion, fear is not represented by trust. You trust this person with your physical, emotional, and spiritual well being. Sure there's always punishment for certain actions, even then there should never be fear. Aprehension, sure. Punnishment is just that, you know you've done wrong in His/Her eyes. Sometimes, knowing that alone is punnishment enough, but to actually "fear" a reaction or the punishment? Evaluate.
I listened to some definitions the other night in a chat, and one of the Domme's description on what makes her a Dominant, could have fit me. However, I am clearly NOT a Domme, nor do I want to be. I am in every other aspect of my life, I do not want to dominate in my personal relationship. So is that what makes the distinction?
I also heard someone who said, that he offers himself to teach mentor, never portray himself to be anything other than what he is. Well I do that as well. I've had many sisters come to me since I've "come out" and ask for advise. I'm honored that they feel they can come to me, I only have my personal opinion nothing else.
So what does make a good 24/7 relationship? Is it only the D/s that makes it solid, or is there more? What about general compatibility? Likes and dislikes outside the fetish checklist. OR, is the fetish checklist enough to get started, and then see where the compatibility lies? Is general compatibility even important?
For example, the Dominant likes the outdoors, so does this mean the submissive will learn to like the outdoors simply because the Dominant does, or should there be some middle ground before the relationship goes further? How much do we look for in a potential partner in the lifestyle outside fetish? Is fetish only for BDSM play? It's easy to hand over control in a sexual situation, but what about outside the bedroom. What about something as easy as what's for dinner? What about what time you take a shower? What shows if any will be watched? I'm not talking about a Master/slave relationship here, or should I be. Can you be 24/7 without being a slave?
How does one determine how much control you will hand over in a 24/7 relationship. And how do you determine when you give over that control. How easy/difficult is it to maintain protocol in every day life. I mean it's one thing when you are actually in a scene, but what about when the dishwasher overflows, supper is late because work wouldn't let you go, or traffic was horrendous. How realistic is it for Sir or Master to really place the blame on your shoulders? I've read many an account where a sub ends up in a frenzy because such a situation is out of her control, but fears the reprocussions. I certainly don't want to live life like that. To me that's basically equal to an abusive relationship. How do I know, because I've lived in one. Any time there's fear, one should evaluate the situation. Really take a hard look.
How would the situation be handled in a non D/s relationship. Would there be aggrivation, frustration- sure. If there is fear- run. Especially in a D/s relationship. This is a person who you place your trust in. To me, of course this is my own opinion, fear is not represented by trust. You trust this person with your physical, emotional, and spiritual well being. Sure there's always punishment for certain actions, even then there should never be fear. Aprehension, sure. Punnishment is just that, you know you've done wrong in His/Her eyes. Sometimes, knowing that alone is punnishment enough, but to actually "fear" a reaction or the punishment? Evaluate.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Defining me
Master was in a tormenting mood today. He wanted to torture and believe me that man finds many ways in which to do it. Until the work situation is resolved, we have stolen days every few weeks. It’s a catch 22, the time apart gives me time to adjust to learning what it truly means to be his submissive. I am so fiercely independent, but slowly I find myself asking, and not just doing and taking for granted. The other night, I heard myself ask if I could go have a smoke. WOW, where did that come from? It just slipped out, and as I heard the words coming from my own lips, I was amazed. Yet as amazed as I was, somehow it also felt right. On the other hand, the time apart kills us both, having to utilize technology to maintain the bond.
In a journal to him today though I mentioned how I am also amazed at the “presence” he has in my psyche even when I can’t see or hear him. I’ve been surfing the web for some lingerie/toys/restraints and I haven’t made a single purchase, because on one hand, I want him to approve the purchase so I’m not wasting money, but on the other hand, I want my purchases to be a surprise. Well, he’ll be reading this, so, so much for surprises I guess *grins*.
We had a banter the other day, well we’ve bantered about this from time to time. While I have only “discovered” the sub side of me a little over a year and a half ago, the sub nature has always been there. I’ve written about that before. I never knew about D/s, so how could I know what I was. However, what I did know was that kink turned me on. All the fetish videos, restraints, being taken, used for pleasure, serving. Those were all parts of me that boiled under the surface. I just never knew there was an entire lifestyle around it.
I wanted to let the bad girl out to play, but society dictated (as well as hubby at the time) that THAT bad girl was better left inside the mind.
Now I find myself in a position (well many positions thanks to Master and his use of ropes *grins*) where I can unlock those dark corners of my mind and explore. Not just explore, but experience. You see, Master has those dark corners too. Corners that he kept locked up as well. Neither one of us needs the lock any more, because the other holds the key and has opened the door to expression, creativity, and exploration.
I watch the glimmer in his eye when his wheels are turning, and instead of backing away, I am eagerly waiting for each time that Beast is set free and I’m the lucky participant. Oh yes, I’m the lucky participant.
It’s a wonderful feeling knowing I can dig deep and tell him a fantasy and I’m not looked at with a combination of astonishment/disgust. You know that look I’m talking about, the one that’s usually accompanied by a very long uncomfortable silence and then some sort of feeble acknowledgement that you even made a suggestion. Then you quickly change the subject, knowing that on some level you’re now looked at as a freak. Remember those days?
I was reading a blog in another social network and it was a question/answer blog. The question was most unusual place you’ve had sex. The answer was when I was married, the couch. *sighs* I remember those days all too well. At least now when there’s couch sex, it usually involves some sort of odd position, implement of pain, and if I’m very lucky restraints and a red ass.
In so many ways I am a lucky submissive to have a Master who gives me as much latitude as he does. My writing is my own. I can practice my craft in whatever medium I so choose. I am free to express opinions (within reason I suppose), he doesn’t outwardly control every aspect of my life. But yet every action has become one with him in mind. What I wear to work, what I change into when I come home. Hell even what I make for dinner each night, I think “Master would really enjoy having this tonight”. I can’t wait for the day when I am cooking for him daily. Soon, not soon enough, but soon. I can’t wait until I can kneel every day. Feel that centered grounding place. God I love that place. The “yes, this is where I’ve longed to be all day” place.
Some who don’t understand the need to please and the need to serve would say that I’m losing who I am. The strong independent me who doesn’t take shit from anyone. To that I simply answer, being able to serve has only made me stronger in who I am. Having a Master whose convictions so closely match my own has given me more strength to be the woman I’ve always longed to be. I know that I please him, and that makes me stronger in everything that I do as an employee, friend, sibling, mother, daughter. It also gives me the freedom to let go, surrender the control, put myself into his hands. There’s no greater feeling in the world for me than to know I’m serving, I’m pleasing, I’m loved, I’m used, I’m treasured.
Yeah, it’s the brass ring all right, and I’m holding on tight.
In a journal to him today though I mentioned how I am also amazed at the “presence” he has in my psyche even when I can’t see or hear him. I’ve been surfing the web for some lingerie/toys/restraints and I haven’t made a single purchase, because on one hand, I want him to approve the purchase so I’m not wasting money, but on the other hand, I want my purchases to be a surprise. Well, he’ll be reading this, so, so much for surprises I guess *grins*.
We had a banter the other day, well we’ve bantered about this from time to time. While I have only “discovered” the sub side of me a little over a year and a half ago, the sub nature has always been there. I’ve written about that before. I never knew about D/s, so how could I know what I was. However, what I did know was that kink turned me on. All the fetish videos, restraints, being taken, used for pleasure, serving. Those were all parts of me that boiled under the surface. I just never knew there was an entire lifestyle around it.
I wanted to let the bad girl out to play, but society dictated (as well as hubby at the time) that THAT bad girl was better left inside the mind.
Now I find myself in a position (well many positions thanks to Master and his use of ropes *grins*) where I can unlock those dark corners of my mind and explore. Not just explore, but experience. You see, Master has those dark corners too. Corners that he kept locked up as well. Neither one of us needs the lock any more, because the other holds the key and has opened the door to expression, creativity, and exploration.
I watch the glimmer in his eye when his wheels are turning, and instead of backing away, I am eagerly waiting for each time that Beast is set free and I’m the lucky participant. Oh yes, I’m the lucky participant.
It’s a wonderful feeling knowing I can dig deep and tell him a fantasy and I’m not looked at with a combination of astonishment/disgust. You know that look I’m talking about, the one that’s usually accompanied by a very long uncomfortable silence and then some sort of feeble acknowledgement that you even made a suggestion. Then you quickly change the subject, knowing that on some level you’re now looked at as a freak. Remember those days?
I was reading a blog in another social network and it was a question/answer blog. The question was most unusual place you’ve had sex. The answer was when I was married, the couch. *sighs* I remember those days all too well. At least now when there’s couch sex, it usually involves some sort of odd position, implement of pain, and if I’m very lucky restraints and a red ass.
In so many ways I am a lucky submissive to have a Master who gives me as much latitude as he does. My writing is my own. I can practice my craft in whatever medium I so choose. I am free to express opinions (within reason I suppose), he doesn’t outwardly control every aspect of my life. But yet every action has become one with him in mind. What I wear to work, what I change into when I come home. Hell even what I make for dinner each night, I think “Master would really enjoy having this tonight”. I can’t wait for the day when I am cooking for him daily. Soon, not soon enough, but soon. I can’t wait until I can kneel every day. Feel that centered grounding place. God I love that place. The “yes, this is where I’ve longed to be all day” place.
Some who don’t understand the need to please and the need to serve would say that I’m losing who I am. The strong independent me who doesn’t take shit from anyone. To that I simply answer, being able to serve has only made me stronger in who I am. Having a Master whose convictions so closely match my own has given me more strength to be the woman I’ve always longed to be. I know that I please him, and that makes me stronger in everything that I do as an employee, friend, sibling, mother, daughter. It also gives me the freedom to let go, surrender the control, put myself into his hands. There’s no greater feeling in the world for me than to know I’m serving, I’m pleasing, I’m loved, I’m used, I’m treasured.
Yeah, it’s the brass ring all right, and I’m holding on tight.
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