Submissive musings

I've attended quite a few chats/ discussions, read blog upon blog from submissives and Dominants alike. I have a thirst for knowledge. Once I sink my teeth into something, I need to know all I can. In this case, maybe it's the wanna be psychologist in me, but I love reading about the dynamics that interest me, not the sexual aspects of each and every relationship. Although, I'll be the first to admit, I love the voyeuristic view at times.

What I'm so very surprised at, is the number of submissive women, (I don't see this too much from male submissive writing) that lament about finding a Dominant who appreciate their strength, wit, humor, style, etc. The list could go on and on. The thing that puzzles me, is why we as women, and submissives alike, would even consider being anything other than ourselves?

If we searched for a vanilla relationship, we would (or hopefully not) never consider a long term relationship with someone who chastised or berated our very existence, who we are. In vanilla terms that would be somewhat abusive. So why do we tolerate it from a Dominant?

The question maybe simple, but the answer is as complex as each individual who things of an answer. Here's one view, just mine, no one elses, not even Master's.

There seems to be this misconception out there, and it's prevalent in the chat rooms, that as a submissive, you must automatically cater to the wishes of a Dominant, any Dominant. Do this and you will be seen as a "good" submissive. I know there are some chatrooms that have oodles of protocol before you can even enter a room ie, asking permission, addressing Dominants etc. That's nice, it really is. However, I mean no disrespect, but you are not my Sir or Master, or Mistress. In addition, if I've never met you, you haven't proved to me that you are deserving of that title.

I'm submissive by nature, but I can throw a Mistress before panther and believe me, people would never know. I can be a Top when I need to be, I am in almost every aspect of my life. I've needed to be, and that's fine. Don't expect just because I am submissive that you are any better or deserve a title before you earn it in my eyes.

As such, it is people with these unreal expectations that have this blind vision of what a submissive is, in my eyes. I've seen it in chatrooms. They expect this victorian era woman sitting quietly, whispering when she speaks, agreeing with whatever opinion is floating around the room at that particular moment, even if resonates against every fiber of her being.

What a shame of the breaking of human spirit. Why on earth would a Dominant want anything but a submissive who as Master says, "Has a mind and is not afraid to use it." Part of a D/s relationship is a power exchange, not a brain nullification. How boring to not have an opinion. or be able to express yourself. I know, I know... I'm not talking about being obnoxious, or rude. I let Master handle that if needed. I'm talking about sharing in a learning discussion, and not parroting everything a Dominant says. I'm talking about asking questions, getting to an answer that really answers.

I've been in discussions where an experienced Dominant basically said everything that's done in the D/s BDSM lifestlye today is wrong. The way it was done in the old days is what works, none of this watered down crap. (Her words not mine). I challenged that. How is it watered down? Because society has changed? Because of the advent of the internet. Because there's so much information out there good and bad for people to learn from? It would appear to her, that the values are not held to the same standard as they were 35 plus years ago. To that I would beg to differ, and I did. Master was there he saw the entire exchange. I was not rude, but I did question the why? Because she was there and she said so, that's why, is what it came down to. Basically it was a closed network back then, now it's more of an open network and for the dinosaurs they realize they are a dying breed, and are fighting to keep their heads above water.

However, in the next breath, whatever works for the individual couple is what I heard. Wait, which is it? Strict by the book, or whatever works? Can't have it both ways. In this day and age of two income earners, blended families, bi coastal families, it isn't as easy as 1, 2, 3 any more. Life is more complex, and will continue to get more complex.

I've heard it said, that D/s is the only thing that matters, there is no vanilla. Your sub sleeps in another room every night. OK, that's fine.... for you. In MY 24/7 relationship, I WANT to sleep next to Master every night, as He does with me. See my point?

Just writing this very blog, and every blog I write in the various places I write them. I am allowed freedom of speech. For the most part because Master knows how important it is to me to both write, but express my opinions. For him to silence that part of me, would be an abuse, not a punishment. It would be tatamount to cutting off my arm. Master knows it's importance, however, he also has said my opinions are valid and he encourages me to put them out there. From this I flourish and grow. How, because he reads each and every blog and comments privately and sometimes publicly. He takes the time to validate that I have something to say. I grow because I'm learning from expressing said opinions. Placing value on what's important to me, and to Master and I as a couple.

Could or is this all different for slaves? I would imagine so, unless your Master has given permission for such expression. I have been talking strictly about submissives here in this ramble. And the opinions expressed here are only mine.

have a great day...
panther.